The Thing Called Love (Eshgh)

There a few verbal exchanges grown ups tend to have when they come across little kids in a gathering or a party (mehmooni). Traditionally, at least in our culture children are taught to say hello (salam) first, if they forget, it’s the mother’s job to nudge the kid if they are standing next to them. If that doesn’t work then it’s the use of gestures such as the quick head movement pointing toward the grown up. If these two attempts fail to work then the child hears her mom’s loud voice carry across the room: say hello to Mr. and Mrs. so and so, then the child embarrassed faintly utters the word salam. Then the adult habitually bombards the little kid with the following questions: “how old are you?”, “what grade are you in?”, “do you play sports?”, and “what’s your favorite Movie?" Or some questions in that line would be asked.

Back in the day, when I was a child many moons ago; there was this inquiry by an adult that would leave you embarrassed, red from head to toes, speechless and perplexed.
And that would be:

Adult: “Who do you love more, mom or dad?
Child: "Huh…" (taken aback by the question) “I love them equally.”

You’d think the game would be over by then, but the saga would continue with the next question:

Adult: But you must like one of them more, so which one is it?
Child: (out of breath and pleading), "Both of them…equally" (har--doh).
Adult: "Pick one."
Child: "I can’t…"

The helpless little young person glances at her dad who is looking at the floor, avoiding the situation altogether. She looks at her mom who is looking right back at her with stern looks, a split second stare that warns you not to humiliate your parents no matter what.

I am certain that many people from my generation have had similar uncomfortable experiences. These kinds of encounters are hopefully a thing of the past. They belonged to the time before the importance of child psychology/psychiatry, before recognizing children as little persons with feelings and emotions that must be respected, valued, nurtured and loved.

Looking back, I see those prying individuals as people who lacked proper social skills, having fun at the expense of another person, a young one, or they were perhaps a little psycho. Who knows?

What I know is that love cannot be measured. There are no measuring devices for determining the amount of love someone has toward one another, like a cup of love, a yard stick of affection or five pounds of tender feelings! Sounds like a take out food, to go!

Our hearts may be little in size, a fistful, but have the amazing capacity to love, cherish, adore and care about as many people as we want. We can expand and stretch the love we have to include and envelope more and more people.

Do we love two people, let’s say our mom or dad, equally? It does not matter. It should not have even been questioned at all. For I have loved them both dearly. Perhaps one was from here to the moon and back three times and the other from here to the sun and back twice. At the end it is all pure love in every cell, inhaled with every breath and warms you with each heart beat.

The same analogy goes for those children who sometimes wonder if their parents loved them more or perhaps the other siblings a little more, for I have at moments questioned that myself. It hurts as a kid growing up wondering if the brighter one or the more adorable or the first born is the more favorite child. It doesn't matter, at the end we were all loved.

We seek love, we give love. To many in the western world love is about giving or receiving heart-shaped chocolate and flowers. Young people seem to know immediately who they love more, between let's say Jack or John. But we know that there are other things involved in youth's affairs of the hearts, namely infatuation, etc. However, sometimes a warm glance can be more affectionate than a sweet term of endearment. I've come to understand that love means different things to different people, depending on their gender, culture, religion, up bringing and so on. To answer the question "what's love got to do with it?", I think a lot. Love is the binding source of the universe!


Love, love…


Orion's Belt, Photo Credit & Copyright: Martin Mutti, Astronomical Image Data Archive, APOD, NASA